Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days... When our mama sang us to sleep, but now we're stressed out...

I just want to take a few moments and talk about {nearly} 3 year olds...

What.The.Actual.F@#K?

Each day with her is like Russian roulette... What are we going to get today... A delightful, happy-go-lucky, sweet, kind and loving cherubic angel? Or is this 'Chuckie' today? Total crapshoot... But we can usually tell from the first exchange when getting her out of bed in the morning...

If the exchange goes something like this:

Parent: Good morning, Evie! Did you sleep well?
Evie: Yes! How did you sleep?
Parent: Great! You ready to get dressed?
Evie: Sure! I would like to wear my pink dress today.
Parent: Ok, here it is!

That is going to be an absolutely great day! I don't want to say these days are 'unicorn' in nature... but they're damn close. They are rarely seen, but often sought after. I want more of these days. Help me find more of these days!!! Even just mentioning it, I get a tear in my eye remembering how wonderful this was.

If the exchange goes something like this:

Parent: Good morning, Evie! Did you sleep well?
Evie: Wahhhhhhh! Gaaaaaaaa! UGH! We aren't going anywhere today, right?
Parent: We are! We're taking you guys to the zoo, isn't that gre...
Evie: Wahhhhhhhhh! NOOOOOOOO! I don't want to go.
Parent: But Evie, it's the zoo, you love the anima...
Evie: Nooooooo! No! I'm not going!
Parent: Ok, we don't have to go to the zoo, how about we get you dressed?
Evie: Nooooooooo! No! I don't want to! I want to wear my pjs.
Parent: Evie, we change out of our pj's every single day. We are going to go ahead and get dressed now. What would you like to wear?
Evie: {hiding behind chair}
Parent: Oh, here we go, your favorite pink dress. {25 minutes of bartering elapse: parent attempts to assist with dressing, child screams like she is being burned at the stake, kicking, thrashing, something resembling The Exorcist begins to occur. Parent gets clothing on child by the sheer grace of God after a 10 minute struggle, child then rips off clothing.}

This is what has been happening most days... And, I'm so over it- I should write a Beyonce' esque song about it... But instead of "Becky with the good hair..." I would have "Evie with the hair that she won't let me brush without having a nuclear meltdown..."

I read somewhere once that toddlers are like cavemen... Yes, so much yes. It is near impossible to reason with her when she's like this. She wants what she wants, when she wants it- and she doesn't care what that means for anyone else. She stops using her words to explain things- and literally just makes loud, horrible, sounds. WTF?!

I hope this phase is over soon... but from what I hear, we're in for the long haul with this little diddy. Awesome.

Thankfully, my little guy isn't giving me quite the turmoil that the older one has. I'm not sure I could handle it from both sides. Weston is still sweet, and snuggly. He's getting his molars which make him a bit fussier (especially in the afternoons) from time to time- but a little distraction goes a long way with him. Evie on the other hand- unless I materialized a Santa Claus sized sack of candy, I can't distract her no matter how hard I try. She gets deadset on something, and that.is.it.

The worst part of all of this is that she totally reminds me of me. I know, I know what you're all thinking- "But Steph, you're so perfect, how can that be?"- I'm just going to go ahead and let you guys in on a little secret... I mean, I really seem perfect, and most of the time I am... Well, let's just be real, I am perfect. I think it's all just Evie's fault.

Yea.

So here we are, 2 months shy of the 3 year mark... doing the best we can. I also read somewhere that a 3 year-old is a basically a walking, talking middle finger. Yea. It's definitely that.

We have resorted to giving each other 'breaks'... Like if the afternoon has been particularly rough on one parent, the other one will take over and give the parent who's had it up to HERE a little breather (AKA: a shot of Jack) and if it's before noon, a miniature breather (AKA: a bloody mary).

So, to all of my friends who are parents that have survived these years- I tip my hat to you. Avoiding time in a mental institution or fleeing to South America seem to be my number one goals at this point... So cheers to you. And to all my friends who are parents who have yet to venture into these years, you have been warned. And, I'm totally doing you a solid by giving you a heads up about this... No one had the decency to warn me. Jerks.

In the words of that guy from 'Taken', that's Albanian or whatever... you know what I'm talking about... Good luck.