In the arms of the angels, fly away from here, from this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear... you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie, you're in the arms of the angels, may you find some comfort here...

Just finished a great book, it was a memoir actually- written by Stephanie Madoff Mack... yes, there is a "Madoff" in there. She was married to Mark Madoff- son of Bernie Madoff, one of the most hated men in America for his multi-billion dollar ponzi scheme. Mark ended up committing suicide about a year ago amidst public scrutiny, multiple lawsuits from those duped by Bernie and the final straw appears to have been when his 4 year old daughter was being sued for an $11,000 trust given to her as an infant by Bernie. Stephanie's account was real and raw. The night before last I had gotten to the part in the book where Mark killed himself- and I didn't sleep well that night at all. I just felt so bad for this poor man, who truly had convinced himself that everyone would just be better off if he wasn't around. Not only did he leave behind his wife and family, but he left behind the mess as well. He thought that his death would make all of the lawsuits and public outrage disappear and now, his wife is just left behind to not only grieve his loss but to face the lawsuits and life alone.

I don't know why this story has bothered me as much as it has- I didn't know them, I don't have any connection to them in any way... It's just made me think, a lot. Maybe it's because I've never read about someone who has committed suicide? My heart just feels broken, I guess. Life is all about ups and downs...good days and bad days (hopefully more good than bad), but you only get one life, just one.

Especially being a nurse, and being exposed to death on many occasions I think I have learned to appreciate life more- life is short. I believe that you should live each day to the fullest and without regret. And even amongst the very worst of days, there is always a silver lining. It gets better.

I will never forget a few years back, Jas and I were watching a documentary on HBO- I think it was called "The homeless kids of Orange County" and it was just that- the homeless kids of Orange County. Their age ranges were all over the place... and I will never forget this little girl who was asked "What's the best part about being you? What's the best part of your life?" And she responded, "Nothing. There is nothing in this world that is good." And I remember my heart breaking just the same as it did with this Madoff thing... I yelled at the television "Come live with me! I will show you how great this life can be!" I want everyone to know that it gets better.