Feeling my way through the darkness, guided by a beating heart... I can't tell where the journey will end, but I know where to start. They tell me I'm too young to understand, they say I'm caught up in a dream. Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes, well, that's fine by me. So wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older. All this time I was finding myself and I didn't know I was lost.
OMG. I miss blogging. But, legit, it's been impossible to get back here.
First of all, we are homeowners- again! Fabulous! The process of moving and settling into our first house was much easier... The kid just complicates the whole process this time around. I love her dearly, but when I put all of the dish towels away, and she comes right behind me and pulls them all back out- it makes completing a task 1,000,000,000,000x as hard. God love her. And I know she's just exploring and learning about her world- and I really do love that. But, GAHHHHHH! Sometimes I just throw up my hands in frustration and say- fuhhgeedddabout it! And put it off for another day.
And another, and another...
Closing went well. But we had the most awesome thing happen when we moved in- the AC quit working. Oh, yea, it's the middle of summer- so that was not a fun time. We had some window AC's that we placedstrategically in Evie's room first. A hot baby is no bueno.
Then we moved our mattress upstairs, and put a window AC in the room we're calling the playroom. Ridick. Let me just tell you, 3 months pregnant getting up all night long to pee from a mattress on the floor absolutely SUCKS. It was a nightmare. 4 short days later though, it was fixed. Been working great ever since. What a welcome.
Since then, things are coming together. It's nice to be back in our own space with our own furniture and stuff again.
The 1 year old is amazing. She's so much fun. And I know I've said this before-but she is so freaking busy. I run after her all day long. Makes for some pretty long days. Jason is working 10-12 hour days in the lab- so it's a whole lot of Evie & Me time. She's such a little person. I love that. But, no joke- this is hard work. Far harder than I ever realized. I always assumed "oh, when they start walking they're more self sufficient and can play independently so I can get some stuff done around the house..." Um, clearly I was smoking crack- because while that little Miss is awake, I won't get shit done.
Tonight at dinner I was lamenting with my Dad and my sister, and my Dad was telling me that he totally understands my situation and how challenging raising a small child can be. He then said- "When you get to be my age though, you don't look back and remember how hard it was. You just remember the good times." Well, then wake me up when it's all over! Just kidding... kind of.
I thought I'd be able to take her to the store with me, to run errands and such... Um no. She doesn't want to sit in the shopping cart- and if I pull her out of the cart to walk with me, she has no desire to go in the direction I'm wanting to go. She's making a beeline for the fine china and trying to pull it off the shelf. Le sigh. Pitches a fit whenever I try to redirect as well. So, needless to say- we spend a lot of time at home. She loves to be outside, so lots of playing on the swings and exploring the great outdoors.
I do feel a bit like I'm somehow failing. I remember hearing the term "homemaker" many times throughout my life, and this was certainly not something I ever aspired to be- I was going to be a dolphin trainer or a lawyer growing up. But alas, here I am... a homemaker by week, and an ER nurse by night-weekends. I think that I'm failing at the whole 'homemaking' thing. I can barely make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich during the day, let alone make/manage the entire home. How do people do it?! Where am I falling short?
Truth be told, sometimes I dream about working full time again- Monday through Friday, 8-5. But then, I get sad about the prospect of missing out on so much time with Evie... and thus, go back to my quasi-homemaker lifestyle.
I suppose with time it will iron itself out... until then, I will take baby steps... perhaps starting with making a PB&J.
My OTHER job however, is going well. I really loved my time in L&D, and I think it was because of the fabulous ladies I worked with-more so than that I really loved being an L&D nurse. I feel much more at home back in the ED. It's definitely my comfort zone, and it's been reassuring to me to see how naturally my skills and knowledge have returned. I haven't assisted with intubating a patient in probably 4 years... but I remembered 20 of Etomidate and 100 of Succs no problem. My IV skills have fully returned, and I was reveling in the 22g I put in a pinky the other day. I love the population, and am really enjoying be back 'home'.
I continue to forget I'm pregnant. Surely one of these days it will fully sink in. One would think my reverting back to maternity pants would do it for me, but nope- I guess I just think they're PJ's or something. Oh, and I'm definitely showing now too... Although it looks like a lot of pud and not a lot of baby. But, whatever. This time, I just don't even care.
The baby is asleep now, so perhaps I should see if I can get some of my 'homemaking' accomplished.
Until next time...
First of all, we are homeowners- again! Fabulous! The process of moving and settling into our first house was much easier... The kid just complicates the whole process this time around. I love her dearly, but when I put all of the dish towels away, and she comes right behind me and pulls them all back out- it makes completing a task 1,000,000,000,000x as hard. God love her. And I know she's just exploring and learning about her world- and I really do love that. But, GAHHHHHH! Sometimes I just throw up my hands in frustration and say- fuhhgeedddabout it! And put it off for another day.
And another, and another...
Closing went well. But we had the most awesome thing happen when we moved in- the AC quit working. Oh, yea, it's the middle of summer- so that was not a fun time. We had some window AC's that we placed
Then we moved our mattress upstairs, and put a window AC in the room we're calling the playroom. Ridick. Let me just tell you, 3 months pregnant getting up all night long to pee from a mattress on the floor absolutely SUCKS. It was a nightmare. 4 short days later though, it was fixed. Been working great ever since. What a welcome.
Since then, things are coming together. It's nice to be back in our own space with our own furniture and stuff again.
The 1 year old is amazing. She's so much fun. And I know I've said this before-but she is so freaking busy. I run after her all day long. Makes for some pretty long days. Jason is working 10-12 hour days in the lab- so it's a whole lot of Evie & Me time. She's such a little person. I love that. But, no joke- this is hard work. Far harder than I ever realized. I always assumed "oh, when they start walking they're more self sufficient and can play independently so I can get some stuff done around the house..." Um, clearly I was smoking crack- because while that little Miss is awake, I won't get shit done.
Tonight at dinner I was lamenting with my Dad and my sister, and my Dad was telling me that he totally understands my situation and how challenging raising a small child can be. He then said- "When you get to be my age though, you don't look back and remember how hard it was. You just remember the good times." Well, then wake me up when it's all over! Just kidding... kind of.
I thought I'd be able to take her to the store with me, to run errands and such... Um no. She doesn't want to sit in the shopping cart- and if I pull her out of the cart to walk with me, she has no desire to go in the direction I'm wanting to go. She's making a beeline for the fine china and trying to pull it off the shelf. Le sigh. Pitches a fit whenever I try to redirect as well. So, needless to say- we spend a lot of time at home. She loves to be outside, so lots of playing on the swings and exploring the great outdoors.
 |
| Don't let this sweet smiling face fool you... exactly 2 minutes later she was crying and screaming to get out of the cart. |
Truth be told, sometimes I dream about working full time again- Monday through Friday, 8-5. But then, I get sad about the prospect of missing out on so much time with Evie... and thus, go back to my quasi-homemaker lifestyle.
I suppose with time it will iron itself out... until then, I will take baby steps... perhaps starting with making a PB&J.
My OTHER job however, is going well. I really loved my time in L&D, and I think it was because of the fabulous ladies I worked with-more so than that I really loved being an L&D nurse. I feel much more at home back in the ED. It's definitely my comfort zone, and it's been reassuring to me to see how naturally my skills and knowledge have returned. I haven't assisted with intubating a patient in probably 4 years... but I remembered 20 of Etomidate and 100 of Succs no problem. My IV skills have fully returned, and I was reveling in the 22g I put in a pinky the other day. I love the population, and am really enjoying be back 'home'.
I continue to forget I'm pregnant. Surely one of these days it will fully sink in. One would think my reverting back to maternity pants would do it for me, but nope- I guess I just think they're PJ's or something. Oh, and I'm definitely showing now too... Although it looks like a lot of pud and not a lot of baby. But, whatever. This time, I just don't even care.
The baby is asleep now, so perhaps I should see if I can get some of my 'homemaking' accomplished.
Until next time...
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