And it’s been a long December and there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last. I can’t remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving’ now the days go by so fast.

6 years ago today was the worst day of my life. 

I was 33 weeks pregnant, starting to make some chili for dinner before my night shift that night, and I got a call that my mother had died unexpectedly. She was young and I had just talked to her the night before. I was broken.

The pain that I felt on that day is something that only those who have experienced deep loss can truly understand. I had a burning deep in my chest, a lump in my throat that I couldn’t swallow away and when I breathed it felt like fire. I kept thinking to myself “will this pain ever end?!” 

I am writing this today to let you know that it will. 

I want you to know and believe these things, even if in this moment it’s hard to fathom… just know this:

The pain will dissipate, in whatever timeline that looks like for you. But it will not feel this awful forever.

The constant lump in your throat will go away too, and you will breathe easily again.

Your loved one will not always be the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing you think of at night.

You will find happiness, joy and laughter again, and it will feel good. Really, really good. And that’s ok.

The tears will stop free-flowing from your eyes in the shower, in a closet, in your car. Everything is temporary.

The fresh sting of your grief will become less frequent and volatile.

One day you will be able to talk about them without crying or experiencing deep pain.

And one day the stories that you share about them will provide you peace and not anguish.

6 years out I sure miss her. I’m confident that she would have been listening to me and supporting me throughout the pandemic with words of love and encouragement on the hard days. I hope that I have been able to pay my mom’s gift forward-in listening and providing support to my friends and loved ones. I hope that that part of her gets to live on through me for always- it was truly a gift.