Hold up, hold up...don't be scared- you'll never change what's been and gone. May your smile, shine on, don't be scared- your destiny will keep you on. Cause all of the stars have faded away, just try not to worry- you'll see them someday. Take what you need, and be on your way and stop crying your heart out.
I swore up and down I would NEVER do 'cry it out', AKA- "Ferberizing" or "CIO". It just wasn't for me. There was no way I could ever abandon Evie in her crib and leave her alone to cry... until one day I did (well, I don't think it's abandoning anymore...but whatever). And I think it's one of the best things I ever did for her.
The Ferber Method has taken a lot of heat over the years. I am a CIO baby, my brother is a CIO baby... I venture to guess most everyone is probably in some way a 'CIO kid.' 'Crying it out' is a method of sleep training to help your child learn how to self-soothe themselves to sleep. The majority of the heat that's come down on 'crying it out' comes from ideas about how often to comfort the crying child. With the Ferber method you go in at varying intervals until you eventually wean from going in to check on the child until you no longer check- also known as 'graduated extinction'. Weissbluth has another method which includes 'full extinction' which is essentially leaving a baby crying (sometimes hysterically) for possibly hours on end. I do not support this. It's definitely not for me. I do however, see the benefit of allowing your baby to cry TEMPORARILY in order for them to learn a tremendously, huge, new skill. And that skill is being able to put yourself to sleep.
Evie has been a great sleeper overnight- she was sleeping 10-12 hours at night without waking, from about 10 weeks old. She also had been a great napper until about 6-8 weeks ago. At that time her naps began to go to hell in a handbasket. She started doing this half hour nap thing. It was a nightmare. How am I supposed to get anything done-cook, clean, shower, take a nap myself- if the only break I'm getting is a half hour? These half hour naps would occur only AFTER 30-45 minutes of effort, bouncing, rocking, patting... PLUS- the worst part of all of this was, she would take a half hour nap and wake up and still be a giant crab! She was rubbing her eyes, yawning, whiney and sad. I hated it. She hated it. I thought the solution was putting her on a schedule and 'telling her' that she needed to sleep longer. Hahaha, I actually laugh out loud at this notion, because it was really hysterical. "You Evie, sleep longer. K, thanks bye." Um, yea- well needless to say, that didn't work.
Then I read this quote "The #1 reason babies over 6 months are taking short naps is that they're not falling asleep on their own yet."
Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner, folks!
We had gotten so efficient at rocking/bouncing/singing/whatever-ing Evie to sleep that she physically was not capable of doing it herself. She didn't know how, and that was because she never had the opportunity to learn.
I began my search for a workable plan... I had heard horror stories of the Ferber method- ya know with the stigma and all... and thus, avoided all things that mentioned Ferber on the Internet... and then I stumbled upon Sleep Sense by Dana Obleman. I read through everything that she had to say on her website, and my interest was piqued. What she was saying made a lot of sense to me. And her methods did not include 'full extinction'- so I could still go in and calm my child, and at the interval that we chose. I liked the sound of that.
I paid my $47, and decided that we must start that night (I'm one of those- once I set my mind to it- we're doing it. No ifs, ands or buts... and failure is not an option). Jas was more than onboard- he had been wanting to do CIO for quite sometime (anyone remember the bouncing story which included Jas puking? Yea, I mean who can forget that...a classic for sure), needless to say that had definitely tipped his scales in the interest of CIO.
I read the Sleep Sense E-Book and watched her instructional videos on the website. I changed my way of thinking, I wasn't leaving her alone just to cry, I was leaving her alone to figure out how to put herself to sleep. I didn't want her to be 3 years old and still require me to rock her to sleep for every nap or nighttime sleep. That would be an injustice to her. By allowing her to teach herself to go to sleep on her own, I was in fact giving her a gift. I LOVED the sound of that.
And so it began. We put together a fabulous 20-minute nighttime routine, complete with lots of cuddles, classical music, a massage and some book reading. And we put her down in her crib and said goodnight. 25 minutes later our babe was fast asleep. That 25 minutes was BRUTAL. Evie cried! I cried! Jas told me it was ok, but I still felt so bad for my little baby. I kept repeating over and over in my head "we're doing what is best for her." I was hoping if I said it enough, eventually I would believe it. The next day with the naps was awful, she cried A LOT... Jas sent me several texts throughout the day because I was seriously going to lose my mind. It was so hard. Here is an excerpt:
Clearly not my best moment. I almost threw in the towel that day.
The following day we put some trash bags over our skylights to see if cutting out more of the light would help Evie with her naps. Thank G it did! Amazing what a difference it made.
Last night, Evie went to sleep in 5 minutes, with just about 15 seconds of mild fussing. She slept for 11.75 hours, and did not wake once. When she woke up this morning she was bright eyed and bushy tailed. Her naps have gotten longer- we're already over an hour for 2 of her 3 naps a day! I'm a BELIEVER!
When she wakes up from her naps now there are no red circles around her eyes (there have been for weeks), no yawning or rubbing her face either (she's been doing this after naps for weeks as well). She's been happy, playing with toys on her mat or bouncing in her jumperoo all day. Clearly, friends, the right decision has been made. Those few days were pretty tough, not going to lie. But, to not have to spend one more minute bouncing her to sleep, or bouncing her for an hour to achieve a half hour nap- is worth its weight in gold... to me at least.
And, I really thought she would hate me after all of this. She's happy, if not happier than she's been in weeks! She's been cuddly with me, and happy to play by herself, smiley... I'm glad that I finally was willing to explore CIO as a viable option for us. Truth be told, I kind of wish I would've done it sooner...
Do I think I'm a shitty mama for doing CIO? Nope! And, if you think I am, well then that's your opinion. I will happily sit back and enjoy my well napped, happy baby.
Since I mentioned in my last blog post that we were doing sleep training, I've received several texts from friends asking about it. So, for those that are really curious I will put the timed experience with sleep training below. For everyone else, you can stop reading now... It's boring and just a bunch of data.
Night 1:
Down: 1845
Asleep: 1909
Awake: 2009
Asleep: 2014
Awake: 0203
Asleep: 0206
Awake: 0615
Night 2:
Down: 1841 (3 minutes of crying)
Asleep: 1844
Awake: 1929
Asleep: 1930
Awake: 0630
Night 3:
Down: 1825 (minimal fussing)
Asleep: 1825
Awake: 0614
Night 4:
Down: 1830
Asleep: 1835 (no tears)
Awake: 0619
Night 5:
Down: 1842
Asleep: 1851 (no tears)
Awake: 0640
Naps have been a bit more all over the place. But for her last several naps (except the late afternoon third nap) she has been asleep within minutes with very minimal fussing. Sometimes she fully wakes up and cries for a few minutes at the 30 minute mark. Some times she sleeps right through the 30 minute mark. I would definitely say the 3rd nap, which is late afternoon- we have not been able to get her back to sleep after 30 minutes- EVER. I think it's just not something she is going to do. But the other 2 have definitely shown tremendous improvement.
Evie has been a great sleeper overnight- she was sleeping 10-12 hours at night without waking, from about 10 weeks old. She also had been a great napper until about 6-8 weeks ago. At that time her naps began to go to hell in a handbasket. She started doing this half hour nap thing. It was a nightmare. How am I supposed to get anything done-cook, clean, shower, take a nap myself- if the only break I'm getting is a half hour? These half hour naps would occur only AFTER 30-45 minutes of effort, bouncing, rocking, patting... PLUS- the worst part of all of this was, she would take a half hour nap and wake up and still be a giant crab! She was rubbing her eyes, yawning, whiney and sad. I hated it. She hated it. I thought the solution was putting her on a schedule and 'telling her' that she needed to sleep longer. Hahaha, I actually laugh out loud at this notion, because it was really hysterical. "You Evie, sleep longer. K, thanks bye." Um, yea- well needless to say, that didn't work.
 |
| Sad, overtired, not napping well- baby |
Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner, folks!
We had gotten so efficient at rocking/bouncing/singing/whatever-ing Evie to sleep that she physically was not capable of doing it herself. She didn't know how, and that was because she never had the opportunity to learn.
I began my search for a workable plan... I had heard horror stories of the Ferber method- ya know with the stigma and all... and thus, avoided all things that mentioned Ferber on the Internet... and then I stumbled upon Sleep Sense by Dana Obleman. I read through everything that she had to say on her website, and my interest was piqued. What she was saying made a lot of sense to me. And her methods did not include 'full extinction'- so I could still go in and calm my child, and at the interval that we chose. I liked the sound of that.
I paid my $47, and decided that we must start that night (I'm one of those- once I set my mind to it- we're doing it. No ifs, ands or buts... and failure is not an option). Jas was more than onboard- he had been wanting to do CIO for quite sometime (anyone remember the bouncing story which included Jas puking? Yea, I mean who can forget that...a classic for sure), needless to say that had definitely tipped his scales in the interest of CIO.
I read the Sleep Sense E-Book and watched her instructional videos on the website. I changed my way of thinking, I wasn't leaving her alone just to cry, I was leaving her alone to figure out how to put herself to sleep. I didn't want her to be 3 years old and still require me to rock her to sleep for every nap or nighttime sleep. That would be an injustice to her. By allowing her to teach herself to go to sleep on her own, I was in fact giving her a gift. I LOVED the sound of that.
And so it began. We put together a fabulous 20-minute nighttime routine, complete with lots of cuddles, classical music, a massage and some book reading. And we put her down in her crib and said goodnight. 25 minutes later our babe was fast asleep. That 25 minutes was BRUTAL. Evie cried! I cried! Jas told me it was ok, but I still felt so bad for my little baby. I kept repeating over and over in my head "we're doing what is best for her." I was hoping if I said it enough, eventually I would believe it. The next day with the naps was awful, she cried A LOT... Jas sent me several texts throughout the day because I was seriously going to lose my mind. It was so hard. Here is an excerpt:
Clearly not my best moment. I almost threw in the towel that day.
The following day we put some trash bags over our skylights to see if cutting out more of the light would help Evie with her naps. Thank G it did! Amazing what a difference it made.
Last night, Evie went to sleep in 5 minutes, with just about 15 seconds of mild fussing. She slept for 11.75 hours, and did not wake once. When she woke up this morning she was bright eyed and bushy tailed. Her naps have gotten longer- we're already over an hour for 2 of her 3 naps a day! I'm a BELIEVER!
When she wakes up from her naps now there are no red circles around her eyes (there have been for weeks), no yawning or rubbing her face either (she's been doing this after naps for weeks as well). She's been happy, playing with toys on her mat or bouncing in her jumperoo all day. Clearly, friends, the right decision has been made. Those few days were pretty tough, not going to lie. But, to not have to spend one more minute bouncing her to sleep, or bouncing her for an hour to achieve a half hour nap- is worth its weight in gold... to me at least.
And, I really thought she would hate me after all of this. She's happy, if not happier than she's been in weeks! She's been cuddly with me, and happy to play by herself, smiley... I'm glad that I finally was willing to explore CIO as a viable option for us. Truth be told, I kind of wish I would've done it sooner...
Do I think I'm a shitty mama for doing CIO? Nope! And, if you think I am, well then that's your opinion. I will happily sit back and enjoy my well napped, happy baby.
Since I mentioned in my last blog post that we were doing sleep training, I've received several texts from friends asking about it. So, for those that are really curious I will put the timed experience with sleep training below. For everyone else, you can stop reading now... It's boring and just a bunch of data.
Night 1:
Down: 1845
Asleep: 1909
Awake: 2009
Asleep: 2014
Awake: 0203
Asleep: 0206
Awake: 0615
Night 2:
Down: 1841 (3 minutes of crying)
Asleep: 1844
Awake: 1929
Asleep: 1930
Awake: 0630
Night 3:
Down: 1825 (minimal fussing)
Asleep: 1825
Awake: 0614
Night 4:
Down: 1830
Asleep: 1835 (no tears)
Awake: 0619
Night 5:
Down: 1842
Asleep: 1851 (no tears)
Awake: 0640
Naps have been a bit more all over the place. But for her last several naps (except the late afternoon third nap) she has been asleep within minutes with very minimal fussing. Sometimes she fully wakes up and cries for a few minutes at the 30 minute mark. Some times she sleeps right through the 30 minute mark. I would definitely say the 3rd nap, which is late afternoon- we have not been able to get her back to sleep after 30 minutes- EVER. I think it's just not something she is going to do. But the other 2 have definitely shown tremendous improvement.
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