I can turn it on, be a good machine. I can hold the weight of worlds, if that's what you need. Be your everything. I can do it. I can do it. I'll get through it. But I'm only human... I bleed when I fall down. I'm only human... I crash and I break down.

I love Evie to bits and pieces. I love spending time with her, seeing her grow. Seeing how she interacts with the world around her. But, there are sometimes that I just need a little break from her. A stroll around the neighborhood with the dog. A pedicure. Just a little escape. I've lost quite a bit of weight and I decided it was time to get a gym membership-tighten and tone and lose a few LB's! I would workout while Evie was in the gym daycare- AMAZING! Yes, I said gym daycare. Who knew?! So an hour away from the babe, while I'm getting this bod in top-top shape- Yes please!!

So, I go to the gym around the corner, get the tour, the guy taking me on the tour said to leave Evie in the daycare while we went on our tour. I dropped her off, and decided that the gym had everything I was looking for. I'm in the process of signing the paperwork, and here comes the lady from the daycare- holding my red-faced, sniffling baby. She hands her to me, and says "the only time she stopped crying from the moment you dropped her off, is just a minute ago when she saw you when we were walking around the corner." Well, shit.

Cancelled that membership. Such a bummer, but all I could picture is me in the middle of spin-class getting pulled out by the daycare lady telling me that my baby has been inconsolable. I don't think I'd ever be able to focus because that concern would be in the back of my mind the whole time. 

Some people said I should've just kept it, and given Evie a chance to adjust- I just don't think it's time. Baby steps has worked for us thus far... So, I think that's what we're going to keep doing. 

This is the age where fear of strangers starts to creep in... but we don't have time for that, we have bigger fish to fry right now... 

So, as many of you may recall- when I went back to work when Evie was 3 months old, I started doing 3-12 hour night shifts on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I didn't necessarily want to return to work, but financially me staying home wasn't really an option for us.

Deciding to give up working day shifts for strictly nights was not an easy decision. I've been a nurse for 9 years... it's usually the newbies that work the night shifts...or the lifers who just don't know anything different because they've always done nights. And choosing to sacrifice all of my weekends was not easy either. But, I decided that this would give me somewhat of a "stay-at-home-mom" feel, by being home Monday-Friday... and still allow me to practice my career as a nurse that I love, while providing some much needed income.

We are fortunate enough that Jason's job has allowed him some flexibility. He was able to stay home with Evie all weekend long, and care for her while I slept. Then, on Mondays he had a meeting at noon, so he would leave the house at 11:30am. Somehow, we survived for 5 months on this schedule... I would get about 3-3.5 hours of sleep on Mondays and care for the baby in a zombie-like state the rest of the day...and then we would repeat the whole cycle again come Friday night.

Then one day, Jason's meeting got moved up an hour... this would mean I would be getting 2-2.5 hours of sleep, instead of 3. I don't know if you have ever worked 3-12 hour back to back shifts, and then only gotten 2 or 3 hours of sleep after the 3rd shift. But, for those of you who have not personally experienced this- let me paint a little picture for you... You will feel like death. Your eyes will burn. For at least a day. You feel drunk, but not like fun and happy drunk... like you can already feel your hangover coming on, but you're still drunk and foggy. Your body aches like the flu has overwhelmed and consumed you. You can't focus. You sure as hell can't operate heavy machinery. And you yearn for just a 10-minute nap... but you fear, if you close your eyes for even just a second, it will be hours before you wake again... and you have to care for a busy, 8 month old. I got through it... like a machine. Not a lot of fun and smiles on Monday, that's for sure.

Side note: Mother's do these superhuman feats of grandeur on the daily. We really do not give ourselves enough credit. When we think we aren't capable of something, we always seem to find a way to dig down deep and make it happen. I digress...

For her 8 month photo shoot we had quite a bit of trouble sitting still.. sister is into EVE.RY.THING.

I don't know about you, but that sounds absolutely awful to me. 3 hours of sleep was awful. 2 hours is just inhumane. So, we decided that we needed to bring in heavy artillery... and thus, the hunt for a babysitter began.

I should preface, the only people who have ever cared for Evie are Jason and I. Ever. In 8 months. No one else. Just us. The experience at the gym daycare is still haunting my mind... EEEEK!!!

We don't know anyone in this area who is looking to babysit on a regular basis, so we decided to enlist the assistance of care.com. They were running a special, so I paid a nominal feed and created an ad for what we were looking for, and I started getting some prospects back right away. I quickly discovered, that many of these prospects are "career babysitters/nannies" and they come with a premium price tag (can you say $20-$25/hr?!?!). Many of them have degrees, and it's clear they have devoted their lives to becoming the best babysitters/nannies they can be... and while I totally appreciate this level of commitment... that's not exactly what we're looking for. We're not looking for someone to teach her Mandarin, and work on developing her sensory skills, or prepare her gourmet meals. We were looking for someone to come into our home, and entertain our 8 month old from the hours of 9-2pm so that I could get some sleep. Read: keep the kid alive, fed and generally happy for about 5 hours. K, thanks.

Whatchu lookin' at?

So, I began a more detailed search on care.com... I figured there has to be college kids looking to make an extra buck... So, I started a search for George Washington University and Georgetown University students looking for a part-time babysitting gig... and after a bit of back and forth dialogue- I found a few prospects! I did have one front runner though: her name is Claire, and she has experience with caring for an 8 month old. She was also super-responsive to emails and texts. Check, check, check!

She came over for an interview, and was so personable and cheerful. She connected with Evie right away... and we felt so good about her- we decided to discontinue the search. She was hired!

We had a dry run last week, where I basically showed her where everything is that she could possibly need. I also showed her our nap time routine, and explained some of Evie's idiosyncrasies. Then, I left the 2 of them alone while I did some vacuuming, and they took a walk. Evie seemed quite content in Claire's company. I was so glad! Later that evening Claire sent me a pic from earlier in the day... after that, I was completely confident that we had made the right decision.

Claire sent me this! With the text : "Took this while she was out in her stroller, so so cute! :)"

Yesterday was her first "real" day. And, it went so well. Claire took Evie on a walk around Georgetown... and while I was sleeping I was never awakened to any sounds of a crying/upset baby. After Claire left, the baby was happy all afternoon. Amazing. One of the best decisions since having a child, we have ever made.

HAPPY baby! All afternoon! 

I may start working Thursday, Saturday and Sunday nights instead- and then Claire will watch Evie on both Monday and Friday from 9am-2pm. This would give me Friday nights at home with our little family, as well as most of the day Saturday. The problem now is that Jas gets home so late in the evenings, it's almost time for Ev to go to bed. So we don't really get that family time together... This allows us almost all day on Saturday to do family things. OMG. A little bit of normalcy?! SIGN ME UP!

Family time! 

Life.Changing.

Until next time...