Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring two pence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. - C.S Lewis

So yes, I am making an appearance as a guest writer for the blog. This has been some time in the making and I spent a great deal of time thinking of original ways to open the blog; should I open with a quote like Steph or some other original opening?!? I guess the quote from the indomitable C.S. Lewis suggests I should not worry with those things I should just get to posting. So I guess without further ado, let’s get it on! (Take your pick, that “lets get it on” could be said Big John McCarthy or Marvin Gaye style, your choice).

I am unsure of where best to begin. Having recently been given a shout-out about being a guest writer, I am feeling some undue pressure to utilize my satirical humor and rapier wit to regale the loyal readers with tales of my life. Alas, I am truly not that interesting so if you are bored, well, as Colin Cowherd says, “that’s a you problem.”

So I guess the focus of the blog recently has been on the upcoming arrival of Lil G. Please let’s not confuse that with Lil Troy, though I do still want to be a baller/shot caller and switch from a Motorola to a Primco phone. But I digress; the upcoming arrival of Lil G stirs many emotions within me, typically vacillations between extreme exuberance and sheer terror. The amazing thing is, this development has actually provided some concrete evidence of a hypothesis I have spent many years trying to test. The given fact that I am going to be responsible for another human being undoubtedly proves God has a sense of humor, namely one that can be at times as offbeat as mine. I am currently writing these findings up, and you will be able to read them in your latest issue of “Nature” coming to a newsstand near you (or I guess on one of those new fangled e-newspaper things where you get stuff from the internets machine).

Looking at the most recent few posts, I noticed a trend of posting a series of short topics surrounding the pregnancy. I believe I am going to follow the same trend, and even for risk of being unoriginal (see Lewis, C.S.) give the readers what they so desire.

Maternity Clothes: Love them; have been wearing them plus a nursing bra for a number of weeks now.

Weight Gain: Yes

Stretch Marks: Nope, built like Stretch Armstrong

Movement: Probably not enough: see “weight gain”.

Sleep: Was going to say “like a baby” though everyone is telling me babies don’t even sleep through the night. That doesn’t sound like fun. So I’m gonna go with “sleeps like a whiskey filled adult”

Energy: Loads of energy, in no way related to the 32oz of 5-hour energy I consume per day. (This is a joke, do not do this, you will die, trust me I’m a doctor, ok yes not “that” kind of doctor, b*tches)

Symptoms: I fart a lot. Oh wait, is this section new symptoms? Or ones I have had my entire life?

Things I Miss: Long walks on the beach, romantic dinners… oh Sh#t, wrong site. For the rest of this one visit my other writings at match.com

News: Well since the Ravens won the Superbowl and Ray Lewis didn’t allegedly “self-defense” anyone this year, we will go with “no news is good news”.

Thus ends the marvelous time I have had here at Pee-Wees playhouse. Oh sh*t, this isn’t Pee-Wees playhouse is it. So I guess this means I need to put my pants back on. Anyway, here is another quote to ponder for your upcoming days.

“Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.”

- Francis Chan

Until next time,

-Jas